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Tale of Two Types of Teachers
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Tale of Two Types of Teachers: One Brings Forth Transformational Resiliency, the Other Threatens Students Success-Time to Choose!
My dear fellow educators, parents, people who care about children, and supporters of a better world, let me first say clearly, each and every child you know needs your support, care, love and understanding. I further believe that each child you know is entitled to an educational environment where they are encouraged to grow in peace, able to stretch their thinking, advance their skills, build a healthy psyche, and become college, career, and community ready!
Quite simply, each child is entitled to learn in an environment that focuses on building Transformational Resiliency, and one where a child’s success is never threatened.
Unfortunately, in some of our schools today I must confess that there continues to exist some adults whose talents and skills do not focus on providing support, care, love, understanding, empathy, and growth mindset models to children. Instead, they hold a mis-guided belief that the tactics of fear, intimidation, power, control, shame, and punishment are effective strategies for keeping children in their place, quiet, compliant, and focused on solely outdated academic pursuits as defined by these mis-guided individuals. Hold for a moment while I gasp along with you, and shake my head at the reality that some of these adult individiuals are mis-guided teachers who desperately need our intervention!
I’d love to tell you that this is a myth, and yet, to my dismay, I have heard words from some teachers’ mouths directly to my ears, that describe situations that could only lead to frustration and negative success for many students. Some of these statements sound like: “We must lay down the law…we must convince them (students) that we are in control…we must demand that they respect us…we must be sure that they know the consequences of their actions…we must force them to behave…we must suspend them at the slightest misdeed…we must never let them see our weakness!”
While some people might seek to understand these statements, and some might even agree that each classroom needs order, that children must be provided parameters within classrooms, and that when there is no order chaos could derail many a classroom, the underlying premise of these statements is one of intimidation and fear, which is by no way a means to an end where children are involved. It saddens me that these feelings might reside in anyone.
This is a sad fact that there are those in positions of power, including some teachers, that seek to control students. Further, where these sentiments exist there may be a push by some to garner support, and replicate these thoughts. It is worrisome when a veteran teacher with such beliefs, who thinks that it is their duty to share their “wisdom” with new teachers to ensure compliance of students across their school, is the main voice on a campus without discourse occurring. I must say this practice of passing of knowledge, this training of the newbies, this approach to control, domination, depowerment, has no place in our schools, has no place in the raising of children, has no place in the growth mind-set that is needed to support our children. Further, these tactics especially have no place where children have experienced trauma, pain, discrimination, and disparate treatment from their community, and these children need emotional nourishment, not emotional neglect. In fact, the complete opposite is needed for children to grow in peace.
Now, rest assured, that situations are not like this everywhere, and know that a growing proportion of educators are striving, pushing, leading other educators to understand that the first and foremost important factor that will combat this approach is to first be a person, a human being, and to allow our children to know that we are humans with true interest in developing relationships with them as people. These healthy relationships are so needed across our educational institutions, and are indeed an avenue to save children, and in turn save ourselves. When educators seek to provide positive educational environments, where the resilience development of children becomes one of the prevailing factors of the work, and where adults are consciously aware that they matter in the lives of children, extremely positive outcomes are possible. This paramount priority of building relationships must be at the forefront of an educator’s mission on a daily basis for real and true growth of children to occur.
In many of the conversations that I have had with such educators I have heard words of inspiration, words that are filled with encouragement, words that are supportive, demonstrate love and care, and words that can indeed lead to the enhancement of positivity and quite possibly change the world. Some of these words include: “We must seek to understand each child that enters our classrooms…we must strive to build relationships, and be human beings…we must help our children develop their internal locus of control…we must create respectful environments where each child can give and get from their community…we must provide opportunities for children to see their futures, to build capacities they never imagined, and to learn how to support each other…we must seek to heal children…we must seek to forgive children…we must seek to restore justice to our classrooms, schools, communities so that children learn to understand the power they hold in their lives…we must strive to empower children, all children, each child, to be ready for the future they can, and can’t see!” Then as believers of education we must inspire those that are doing this important work with our children each day to continue, and to bring their colleagues with them to create a positive tipping point for each school!
When I hear these positive statements from teachers I am inspired. When I see these types of positive strategies and behaviors being implemented I am enthralled. When I hear groups of teachers engaged in discourse that is focused on building relationship with and among students in classrooms, hallways, quads, schools that are providing environments that are empowering children to be safe, build positive relationships, learn how to trust our educational institution, and to use the resources provided to them to grow themselves and each other, I am humbled to be an educator. And, my dear colleagues, it is happening. It is happening due to the strength of individuals, the courage of educators, the resiliency of children, the implementation of professional development that encourages and educates teachers about their power to truly change lives through making connections with children, and by not thretening a child’s success.
It is happening in more and more classrooms and schools. Teachers and educators are learning how to “Capture Kids Hearts.” Teachers and educators are helping children to “Be The Change.” Teachers and educators are striving to support children with understanding “Rachel’s Challenge,” and to initiate a chain of kindness. Teachers and educators are fostering healthy conversations. Teachers and educators are encouraging restorative justice practices. Teachers and educators are understanding that it is with support, love, caring, and focusing on the betterment of children that real change occurs, and that by dismissing the old myths that we gain something by controlling children is a practice that has reached far beyond its shelf-life.
Teachers and educators are building classrooms and schools where social-contracts are the rule, not the rarity. Teachers and educators are understanding that the power of positive mental health instruction and social-emotional learning curriculums are a priority for each classroom. Teachers and educators are empowering each other to create environments where Transformational-Resiliency practices are flourishing. Teachers and educators are rebuking the false promises out-dated strategies that seek to control children, and are replacing them with strategies that are nuturing and nourishing students.
If you have stayed with me through this writing you have probably picked up that I hold quite an internal passion for this topic. Yes, my wife and I have four boys, and one with some significant difficulties simply attending school, and each and every time I hear someone speak of the need to control studentes I cringe, I gasp, my heart races, and my blood begins to boil. I am seriously concerned for my son experiencing anyone who might wish to threaten his success, and I pray that each educator that he may meet over the remainder of his education will be someone who will seek to employ Transformational-Resiliency practices to encourage his success.
I ask you, in your work, in your life, in your role, if you hear any educator speak of the need to control students, please challenge their ideas, tell them that you are sorry for their perception and experiences that might have led them to this perspective, and explain to them that there is another way, a better way, a way of engaging students through practices that focus on kindness, care, compassion, empathy, and relationship building. Tell them that they have time to change, that the children they work with each day deserve the best they have to offer, not just the control they want to implement, and quite frankly it might be time to tell them that if they cannot choose to change, they might want to choose to leave. Our children deserve only the best!
Tell them about Transformational Resiliency: The growth, development and strengthening of a child’s personal resiliency as a result of being provided an engaging, positive, thoughful, supportive educational environment.
Peace, Robert A. Martinez, Ed.D.
@ResiliencyGuy @DrRobM_FSUSD https://resiliencyguy.wordpress.com/
Shared World
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The world continues to turn, the trust continues to ebb and flow, and each person in our world continues to be primed to save it, yes, one person at a time. Can we choose to act differently? Can we see another way of being together? Can we work to perceive the similarities in the us, the them, the we, the unity of differences, the sameness of inequity? Are we ever going to be equal? Or, must we learn to live with the inequality, yet strive for equity? The world continues to turn, the trust continues to ebb and flow, and each person in our world continues to be primed to save it, yes one person at a time! Peace! Please, Peace Now! #ALL LIVES MATTER!
Shared World
This post is dedicated to Matthew M. Martinez, and Rayne Jane Winter-Day, two young adults who are seeking to understand some of the issues surrounding #Ferguson, and the broader implications for our society. Whether you believe in the cause, believe in the protests, believe in the mass media reports, believe in the injustice, or believe justice has been served, I hope to get you to question your understanding of some of your current believes about our “Shared World,” and to realize that you have a part in building shared sustainable solutions. Do I have all of the answers? Absolutely not, yet I hope to bring to you some more questions that hopefully will allow you to consider various perspectives, which I always believe will lead to personal and compelling growth. It is all about each one of us, our effect on each other, and it is always personal!
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Shared World
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Shared World
This post is dedicated to Matthew M. Martinez, and Rayne Jane Winter-Day, two young adults who are seeking to understand some of the issues surrounding #Ferguson, and the broader implications for our society. Whether you believe in the cause, believe in the protests, believe in the mass media reports, believe in the injustice, or believe justice has been served, I hope to get you to question your understanding of some of your current believes about our “Shared World,” and to realize that you have a part in building shared sustainable solutions. Do I have all of the answers? Absolutely not, yet I hope to bring to you some more questions that hopefully will allow you to consider various perspectives, which I always believe will lead to personal and compelling growth. It is all about each one of us, our effect on each other, and it is always personal!
We All Share this World: So Why Not Have Shared Ideas, Shared Responsibility, Shared Understanding, Shared Sustainable Solutions to Salvage our Humanity?
We all understand that we have but one world we live in, and yet, in each of our arenas, we often believe that we live in the one “right” world. We also often apply our perspectives to not only our one “right” world, but to the multituude of worlds that actually exist. Thus, it is often extremely difficult to fully understand the complexities of events that are occuring outside of our world as we tend to apply our perspectives, our ideas, our understandings, and our thoughtful solutions onto that world with hopes that we can fix every situation. I offer this piece with the hope to expand perspective, ideas, responsibility, understanding, and sustainable solutions that can be shared my humans of multiple perspectives across multiple communities. I believe that as individuals, as collaborators, as builders of communities we can act as individuals and as groups of people to improve our collective and shared worlds.
In our recent shared culture many individuals have taken the dangerous step of generalizing the behavior of some onto the masses of a group due to a presumed shared characteristic. This process becomes presumed sterotyping. For example, individuals who more often than not good people, with good intentions, who, with good training and professional development, with skill enhancement, and specific education may become attached to a profession that has become discredited, and or disparaged by our society and broad scope media. Consider theses professions: police officers, teachers, lawyers, politicians, the list could go on and on. For the multitude of individuals who might have made decisions at an early age to become a member of each of these professions, do you really believe for a moment that all of their individual decisions were made with ill-intent? Do you really believe that someone truly set out upon a specific course to become the worst their is in their profession, or on the other hand did they make a conscious choice to serve, serve the public, serve people, serve their communities, serve with positive intent with the hopes of making a difference?
In each of these professions, and in others far too many to list here, what our shared reality should tell us is that the vast majority of these professionals strive to do their jobs appropriately, to work for the betterment of our shared society, to keep their behaviors within the parameters of legality, hold onto their integrity, and actually believe that their impact on society is a worthwhile endeavor. Unfortunatley, due to some of the negative or inappropriate actions from some within each of these small minority of wrongdoers within each of these professions, coupled with a lack of informed, forward-thinking, progressive leadership at the helm of some of these groups that they belong, the entire collective of a profession can and does easily becomes a target for the masses especially at the hands of the mass media.
Consider that number of media stories that are provided time on the major news channels. Many, if not all, are filled with negativity, are focused on wrongdoers who may have absolutely done inappropriate things, and that are played over and over ad-nauseum with added conjecture, embellished truths, and half-truths. This type of media coverage, when left unquestioned, could lead us to believe that the only things occurring in our world are these negative events, over and over, and over again. What we don’t see are 95% of real life activities that the majority of public servants are engaged in on a daily basis, or for that matter general people. What we don’t see are the heros that are taking care of children, the aged, the weak, the poor, and working to protect all people of a community, all people at the mall, all people at the park. What we don’t see displayed are the acts of human kindness, thoughtfulness, positively purposeful acts that the vast majority of public servants provide to our collective communities at any given time. What we forget is that just because we didn’t see it on CNN or FOX, or whatever, doesn’t mean that it didn’t happen. What we forget is that most of these heroes go through their days, time after time, with limited acknolwedgement, little fanfair, little more than the meager pay that is provided to them for their service doing what is right!
Could it be that we have allowed the media to take advantage of our ability as humans to be manipulated? It is so easy for our minds to accept the presented stories that convey negativity that most of our public servants are engaged in inappropriate activity, rather than to understand that most are well-intentioned, positive, caring individuals, who with the training they have received are attempting to do a really good job? Could it be that each of us shares a part of the responsibility of recognizing that this could be the truth, and that we actually should become the tellers of the positive story? Shouldn’t we seek to share the positivity of our public servants and provide positive feedback for those that are doing it right? Could it be that by sharing stories of actual positive events, and positive works by progressive organizations, we could actually empower much needed change in the leadership of some of our worst wrongdoers, and build support for those organizations and individuals who are doing it right?
Please don’t get me wrong. Where there is malfeasance, where there is inappropriate behavior, where there is wrong-doing, it must be recognized and corrected. Where there is prejudice, discrimination, degredation, and dishonesty, it must be ferreted out, and fixed, and for those individuals and for the organizations that have fostered these types of innapropriate behaviors to occur, there must be change, significant restorative practices to fix what is wrong, and a true commitment to improve what is wrong, and real efforts to make things better.
Quite frankly, there must be intentional, purposeful, thoughtful, supported, actionable, planned change that has been provided resources applied to that change! Does this change start at the top? Should it be embedded in the collective leadership? Should it be fostored throughout the organization? Should there be a way to measure and monitor this much needed change? The answers are of couse, yes! Should the change needed be discussed openly, discussed across the stakeholders of the community, and then embedded throughout a continuum of change that will be clearly recognized as the resulting change? Yes, of course! Can each of us begin to understand the importance of seeking to declare the need for such change in our lives, our communities, our organizations, and do so by appropriate measures without infringing on others rights that we are actually seeking to protect? Yes, I hope so!
Perspectives collide:
I understand that for many in our society, there is mis-trust. Mis-trust of public servants, mis-trust of the organizations in which they work, mis-trust of the leaders behind these organizations, and mis-trust of any form of government. Some of this mis-trust is well earned, and some maybe not. On the other hand, there is some growing mis-trust that is now felt on the part of the very public servants that are committed to supporting our society. Our public servants have mis-trust of the media, who tend to report on the negativity as discussed above, mis-trust of the leadership that guides their organization sometimes with hidden agendas, and dare I say, some mis-trust from those they serve, who will often mis-judge their intent, and tend to believe the negativity without seeing the reality of their positive efforts.
I suggest that there must be new perspective building, new avenues of trust that need to be developed, and a questioning of current perspectives and motivations by all to allow for growth, shared collaborative perspective, and a renewed spirit of collaboration that seeks to build communities, not tear them down. If we consider the true need for public servants most would agree that as a society, when things are working well, there is an absolute need for well-trained, considerate, effective public servants. Thus, when our behaviors are incongruent with this thinking, and we begin to discredit the collective professions due to the acts of a few, we have given away our personal responsibility to provide credit where credit is due, respect where respect is due, and thanks when thanks are due! We must be aware that each of us holds a responsibility to be part of our communities, and to strive to make better any events that that cause us grief.
Do we desire improvement, or do we expect others to improve themselves to make our lives better? Do we consider our personal challenge to be intentional in our idea building, purposeful in our actions, thoughtful in our approach, create support for the change we want, and work to empower our community leaders, and to offer those currently in charge with the information that they need to recognize that we expect change without shutting their ears to our real messages? Do we act in a manner that pays homage to those that have come before us, or do we discredit their stories with socially inappropriate behavior that clouds our message? Are our efforts built on positivity or negativity which results in repulsion by those we are trying to change?
Do we initiate, support and employ workable sustainable solutions that don’t simply result in a power shift, but result in a synergy of power to create a new way of thinking, interacting, and growing the communities we actually want? I suggest that it is a better use of our energies to work smarter and with more resolve to build the types of communities we want rather than to use a considerable amount of energy to simply protest what it is that we don’t want to continue! To create a new society, one must be willing to actually be part of that society in ways that might be different, and even uncomfortable. To build new societies we must be ready to understand that our way of thinking just might not be the only way or the right way of thinking. To build new societies we must be ready to accept our personal responsibility within that society, and find ways for those enfranchised in the current society to realize that they too would benefit from the new ways of doing business. To build new societies we must finds ways to be inclusive of those that have failed to previously participate, and build capacity for each person to add their view and perspective to the whole.
Sustainable Steps:
Some might argue that the only way to change a set of circumstances that currently exist is through power plays, hostility, disrupting the status quo, or damaging things that are representative of the way things are, however, given the power of communiction, words and actions, righteousness, and a true belief that things can be better, individuals, and groups of individuals do have an enormous level of power to change the world. Oftentimes however, their energies are misplaced, and don’t lead to actual, sustainable change. One of these first steps that is needed is difficult, as it requires that each person who actually wants to see a better world seeks to understand that the current world is neither good or bad, but is result of our collective history, thoughts and actions. I mean that we must first realize that our impact on the world is significant, our ability to share the world as we see it and as we would like it to be, is meaningful, and that we have a responsibility to see, create and acknowledge the positive world that might be right before out eyes. Would we really want to toss it all away? Or, would we seek to evolve the world with natural progression to ensure that the change we actually want is fully embedded into our new world.
Do we currently see the positivity in our world? Do we feel the power in people? Do we recognize the efforts of those in our community, the public servants that are really trying to do a good job? Do we promote the ideas of positive change when we find them, and share these perspectives with others? Do we participate as a positive stakeholder in our local environments? Do we vote? Do we attend local meetings? Do we enlist the clergy of all denominations who are also hopefully trying to create positive environments? Do we thank our public servants, privately or publicly?
When I hear some talk about protest as being the only way to mak a point, I am saddend at the lost opportunities for proactivity that these people leave at home! Be proactive! Be positive! Be part of your community! Be part of the solution! Be connected to your public servants! Be part of the conversation! Be wary of the mass media’s presentation of the facts! Be engaging and interactive with your local authorities! Be a protagonist for righteousness, for truth, for respect, for integrity, for change in a positive manner! It is too easy for people to believe they don’t matter, and to hid in the anonymity of a crowd, a protest, a movement, rather than to stand as an individual for what you want to create, and to include others in your ideas to build a new society.
Take the challenge! Be a part of the solution! Build your personal perspective, and work to allow others to see how you view the world!
Robert A. Martinez, Ed.D. is a trained school psychologist, a life-long educator, and a sincere believer in the power of people, their resiliency, and the need for individual’s to step-up and act in positve ways to assist others.
Folow Dr. Rob on twitter @ResiliencyGuy and @DrRobM_FSUSD
Every Connection Counts-Build #Resilience-Promote #Grit Development
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I’ve been attending the Association of California School Administrators Leadership Summit this week, and the themes of Connecting with others, building and supporting Resilience, and advancing Grit Development for everyone have risen to the surface in many of the presentations and keynotes. Many have read this post, and I’m wondering if you were able to take on the challenge to really focus on one of your interactions this week? I hope to continue to build on these themes, and I do hope that some of these words are connecting with you, supporting your resiliency development, and bringing the premise of Grit Development to your life.
Every Connection Counts-Build #Resilience-Promote #Grit Development
My dear friends,
In case you hadn’t thought about it recently, this post is directed at helping you to be reminded that each connection counts, every moment is precious, each interaction is unique, and thank goodness it is our human ability to connect with others, to be able to realize the importance of every minute we have, and deeply understand that when we interact with others that those moments are a true gift of humanity whose dividends can change the world.
Further, when we accept and use these precious gifts as we proceed through life we are better able to propel ourselves into the world to create an impact of positivity that can send ripples of kindness across the world. Yes, we absolutey should “Toss Kindness Around Like it’s Confetti!” Consider how our world would be a different place if we brought the…
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Every Connection Counts-Build #Resilience-Promote #Grit Development
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Every Connection Counts-Build #Resilience-Promote #Grit Development
My dear friends,
In case you hadn’t thought about it recently, this post is directed at helping you to be reminded that each connection counts, every moment is precious, each interaction is unique, and thank goodness it is our human ability to connect with others, to be able to realize the importance of every minute we have, and deeply understand that when we interact with others that those moments are a true gift of humanity whose dividends can change the world.
Further, when we accept and use these precious gifts as we proceed through life we are better able to propel ourselves into the world to create an impact of positivity that can send ripples of kindness across the world. Yes, we absolutey should “Toss Kindness Around Like it’s Confetti!” Consider how our world would be a different place if we brought the same excitement and enthusiasm we demonstrate for our sports heros when we happen to see our co-workers in the morning.
Think for a moment about a single day and the connections you make, or choose not to make, or make and don’t recognize their importance. Consider how you approached these interactions, and reflect: Could I have been better? Was I intentional in my actions? Was I purposeful in my approach? Was I present for the entire interaction? Did I seek to engage and support those that I interacted with? Did I leave the interaction believing that I did what I could to assist the person I was with, and was I satisfied that I made the interaction a growth opportunity for myself and those interacting with me? Or, like most of us, because we are frequently thinking about a thousand different things we move from interaction to interaction without being present, intentional, engaging, supportive, thoughtful, empathetic or focused on the actual interaction.
The challenge is of course to appreciate each and every interaction, and to employ our best strategies and skills during our interaction times with someone else. Tomorrow, I challenge you to thoughtfully approach several of your interactions, or even just one. Maybe this interaction will be with your partner, a co-worker, your boss, a brand new person, just choose, and think and act differently. Consider that the moments that this other person is choosing to share with you are unique experience for them. What is their perspective? What is their motivation for sharing these moments with you? What do they want to remember from this interaction? I challenge you to make this time all about them, and you might be surprised at how much better you might feel about yourself, and your own humanity.
Here’s another few questions for you: Do you appreciate those in your proximity? Do you recognize and acklowedge each person as a unique being with their own perpspective, goals, motivations, and challenges? Have you taken the perspective that you actually might not know what each person in your immediate surroundings is dealing with at any given moment? Think about it, if you watch television, then you have heard the news that there must be literally millions of individuals who are wondering if they are depressed, filled with anxiety, and debilitized due to stress. Quite frankly, it’s a bit overwhelming to consider the number of individuals in your proximity that need extra support, care and love, and yet, you have the capabilities to potentially provide support, care and love to this other is well within your reach! It sure is great to be human!
Yes my friends, tonight, I am espousing the gift of being human. If you are reading this, you are human and you need to interact positively with everyone for their benefit and yours. It is especially important if you are in a position of authority, or if you are serving in a role of a teacher. Consider the importance of your role with children, and recognize that the moments that you are interacting with children you actually have the ability to create opportunities for #Resiliency to develop and flourish, and even more opportunity to develop #Grit. When you are present, when you engage, when you support, when you are purposeful, when you are intentional, when you are empathetic, when you are encouraging, when you help children to believe that they can survive, overcome, face adversity, and learn and grow, you are Super-Human!
Our ability to connect with others is a gift. This ability to empower others is so powerful, and each of us can infact create a positive impact on the world. Why on earth would we not?
Be powerful, be human, be amazing, be a positive life force that supports others. Help students to grow in peace, and help others to find peace in their growth!
Peace, Rob Martinez, Ed.D., @ResiliencyGuy
My Brother, My Brother–A Thanks to My Brother George!
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My brother, my brother, you made me do it, and in turn you helped to make me!
Many moments, many smiles, many tears, many laughs, many songs, many moments, many challenges, many amazing adventures, George, you often made me do it, and as you did you helped to make me!
As a child, to me, you were a Superhero! You were a blur, as an athlete, a musician, a good looking son-of-a gun, a wild one who drove fast cars, wore super wild clothes, lived in the fast lane, yes, you were a stylin’ metro man, well before your time.
George, you made me laugh, you made me cry, you made me clean your shoes, you made me wash your car, you made take care of your dog, you made me clean up after myself, you made me make dinner for us (even if it was just some boloney in a tortilla), you made me share my beer with you, and as you did you helped to make me!
As a teen, to me, you were a quite the mystery-man. Who else could pull off working at a diaper service during the day, and play in a wedding band on the weekends all at the same time. To me you were a world-traveler, a true bohemian, one who wasn’t ready to settle, one who wanted it all, and yet, you loved the simplicity of a cool beer on a summer day, a winter day, okay, day, night, whenever…
George, you made me wear a tie, you made me go to school, you made me sell my car, you made me get a job, you made me buy a Gremlin-3-speed cause it was safer, you made me bring home pioneer chicken (for free-fo-sure), you made me keep my room clean, you made me help with the yard, you made me go to Vegas with you, and wear a matching suit–(think Mexican Rainman), and by doing so, you helped to make me!
As a young man, to me you were an amazing role model, a man who enjoyed life at every moment, who demonstrated a commitment to his profession, who continued to enjoy his music, who focused on his friends and relationships, who loved the swapmeet on Sunday, the beach any time of day, and then as a man who would share all of his love with his wonderful wife, and children.
George, you made apply to college, you made me find a better job, you made me question my choices, you made me see the world of possibilities that was out there, you made me reach out and reconnect with dad, you made me get car insurance, you made me want to do better, you made me want to become the father I am, the husband I am, the professional I am, the friend I am. George, by doing so you helped to make me!
As an adult man, to me, the way you battled the cancer beast, year after year, and never let it capture your heart, mind and soul, i was always reminded of how I viewed you as a child-one with superhuman internal strength, as one who would ccontinue the fight to out-maneuver the pain, as one who would love to spend a day by the beach, enjoying a frosty one, and listning to some music with those he loved, and the hats, those beautiful styling’ hats.
George, you made me feel grateful for every moment I’d see you on facebook, you made me smile with every text you sent, you made me smile with every outing you were on, you made me wonder in awe of your perserverance as you would seemingly never, never, never give up! You made me think about my own relationship with God, and I really do believe that you are now traveling through space and time with mom, with Brandon, with Stephanie, and now joined by Hildi and other loved ones seeking out new adventures. George, my dear brother, by doing all of this you helped to make me!
Yes my brother, you helped to make me, by making me a better person, by being there for me, by being my best friend and father for a number of years. I truly could not imagine where my life might have been if not for you. I know you know, and it can probably go without saying, and, just to be clear, I love you, I’ll miss you always, and you will forever be in my mind, heart and soul.
My brother George took me in when I was sixteen years old and had very limited options. He cared for me as a brother, a son, a friend, and our relationship as you might tell from my writing will be un-matched in my life. I hope that these words resonate with you as you may consider how much you mean to those you love, and those that love you. My hope that you all have a Brother like my George in your life, and that you can be like this for another.
Peace to you, Rob
It’s always personal: Transformational Resiliency in Action-Reflect-Persevere!
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It’s always personal: Transformational Resiliency in Action-Reflect-Persevere!
I don’t remember consciously focusing on my personal resilience as a young child, yet, as I take a moment to reflect on some of the circumstances that are the collective of my now distant memories, I find myself remembering many moments that provide for my current awareness of what it takes to support resiliency development in our children today. Each of these memories includes not just an environmental scene, they also include people. People who made each situation personal, the good, and the bad, they are both personal.
Family circumstance, environmental situations, cultural dynamics, educational setting, and personal motivation and resolve, all are important ingredients to our memories, and though they are not an exhaustive list. they are important when we consider the need to support, nurture, and assist children with developing into well-functioning human beings. Yes, there is more to be considered when we try to address the needs of each child that we aim to support, but these categories help us understand ourselves just a bit more.
Within each of these categories further lies personal connections that must be present and forged for individuals to connect with their world and flourish into healthy humans. There are relationships that must be invested in and built for our memories to become solid foundations upon which children can grow. There are also moments that we should try to avoid so as to not create unwarranted trauma for children that could stunt their development. Can we control all of the moments in a child’s world, no, nor should we seek to control them all, yet we can focus on building more positive moments each day.
Read and reflect about these questions for a moment:
-Does your definition of “family” define you?
-Are you simply a compilation of every environmental situation that you have ever been in?
-Was your personality defined by your cultural teachings, and are you limited by historical offerings about your “culture”?
-Are you only as astute as the educational settings that you had the good fortune or mis-fortune to experience?
-Did you simply decide to become who you wanted to be, and you arrived?
More than likely your reflective answers to these questions are complicated, and truly could only be answered by understanding and discussing a multi-layred web of connections between these categories: family, environment, culture, education, and personal motivation and resolve, are inter-twined, and each of these components, especially as they relate to each of us, hold’s very personal memories, filled with relationships, and connections to other people. Thus, it is safe to say that these multi-layered web of connections are built upon thousands upon thousands of personal moments that we have lived, and more than likely have lived with others in our environments, which makes them personal not to just one person, but potentially to many.
These inter-twined moments, these opportunities to be somewhere, anywhere, with another person, especially children, cannot, and should not be taken for granted, as each of them holds an opportunity for a memory to be formed, a light to be lit, a true opportunity to support resiliency development. The development of a child’s positive mental health, and an opportunity for continued positive growth of the mind, are outcomes that we want more of for our children, so it is incumbent upon us to be aware, be conscious, be present at each of these moments, as they hold an opportunity to change the world. We must further recognize that each time we have the chance to connect positively in a personal manner with others, especially children, we must use that opportunity for good.
Am I finished growing, developing, shifting, becoming resilient? Not even close. Am I getting better at understanding that what I do, say, don’t do, don’t say, can impact those in my environment? I’d like to think that I’m getting better, and I hope you are too!
Please follow me @ResiliencyGuy and @DrRobM_FSUSD and continue to always help all of our children to “Grow in Peace!”
#Resiliency-You Matter! You Make a Difference! You are Essential!
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@Resiliency #Resiliency
You matter! You make a difference! You bring the world to those you love! You are an essential person! Never underestimate this!
You matter! Is it hard to believe that you make a difference? Is it difficult to accept the idea that as a unique person your impact on the world should not be understated? Have you accepted the plain truth that those that you come into contact every day are significantly changed by your presence, your demeanor, your attitude, your actions, deeds, follow-through, words, care, compassion, truthfulness, and love towards them. As a unique person your imprint on the world that you live in is simply the most amazing thing to behold. We often consider the unique fingerprints that we leave on the world, yet we forget that our entire being is actually leaving an imprint on our collective world that we exist within, and that we can actually control what that imprint imparts onto this world. When you think about it in this manner how might you focus your energies to realize a powerful, positive lifeprint?
You make a difference! To those that engage in your world you may quite frankly be the most important person in their day, either in a positive or negative manner. When you interacted, did you smile, did you greet them, did you nod your head, did you grunt, did you use words to acknowledge them, did you engage in meaningful conversation? How you approach the world is your purposeful offering to each day. You can choose to remain cloistered within yourself, or you can choose to seek out new experiences, entice new perspectives, and gain a new understanding and compassion for the world, the choice is yours. The difference we make comes from our willingness to engage, to be a part, to seek to be a multiplier in our world, rather than to be a negative force, and pull energy out of the relationships we could have. When you approach the world from a perspective of engagement, connectedness, and with a desire to provide support and love to those in your world you add so much to the world that you cannot simply quantify your true impact on the lives of others.
You bring the world to those you love! You might believe that those you love and those who love you may be an exclusive group that belongs to each other, yet, when I speak of love in this general term, you may be loved by an extensive group of people that you don’t consider loving each moment of each day. If you are a teacher, you may be loved by students. If you are a boss, you may be loved by your employees. If you are a worker, you may be loved by your boss, you get the point. There are those in our worlds that might actually care about you and your existence, and what you do on a day to day basis impacts them, even if you don’t believe this to be true. This connectedness is how our world works, and as such your world can and does enter into the world of those within your circle of influence. So, be aware, be conscious, be resolved to bring a positive world to those you love!
You are an essential person! It might seem obvious to many, however I have spoken with many grown adults who work with children, and there are those that have not accepted this type of thinking. In fact, you might be surprised at the number of people that don’t necessarily believe this statement. You are an essential person! Could it be that so many adults have endured their own trauma in their lives that even though they were able to make it through adolescence, college, and even start a career, that deep within them lurks a hurt child that may need to be healed? You are an essential person! It is important to understand that as those who serve we need to be mindful of our own inner thinkings, and work to be healthy oursleves in order to promote positive health for others. Recognize this, seek to ensure you believe you are essential, and continue your journey to help others.
Never underestimate this! You matter! You make a difference! You bring the world to those you love! It has been said that to overcome adversity takes resiliency. I would argue that from a research perspective, cognitive, and an emotional perspective that resiliency development can and should be fostered in each classroom, each school, each educational community, and to our broader communities. Further, this type of approach is not found hidden within the creases of a book, but in the true action of people just like you and I who come to realize that we matter, that we can empower others, and that our being here is a matter of great importance to the betterment of the world.
I hope some of these words impact you in a positve way, empower you to act to be more in tune with your world, and to engage through connectedness to those in your world, because why? Say it with me, YOU MATTER!
Plase continue to help children to “Grow in Peace!”
@ResiliencyGuy @DrRobM_FSUSD
Building Relationships and the Resiliency Development Connection
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Each person is the most important person in the world!
It is personal: Building relationships is absolutely a personal endeavor, and builds resiliency skills in others!
It’s life, it’s personal, It’s about relationships, it’s so important!
Life is messy, we are not perfect, yet we are human, which makes us persons, which means that everything that we do is personal. We may think that we stand alone, yet even when we consider ourselves to be detached from a situation, like it or not, we are connected to the world.
We are in relationships by choice, by chance, and by acquaintance. We are actually in a number of relationships that we might not even realize. If you have children, if you have students, if you are a boss, or an employee, if you are in some kind of relationship that involves love, desire and passion, if you used to be in a relationship, guess what, you are part of the world, people count on you, you are important, and these people you connect with or don’t are important to you. You are a person! You belong to the world, and the world belongs to you.
As you ponder this further, consider that each person, yes, each person, is the most important person in the world, and each person that you meet, greet, and welcome into your life stream deserves your best efforts in connecting with them, and in your desire to strive to build a relationship with them that is based on dignity, respect, equity, trust, support, guidance, and dare I say love. Building and maintaining meaningful relationships is one of the most important assets that any of us can add to our personal skills.
We, each of us, holds an immeasurable ability to convey positive healthy emotions to others, yet to do so in healthy ways, we must first understand the importance of each opportunity to build these healthy relationships, and we must be conscious in our thoughts and actions, and purposeful in our desire to meet others where they are in order to connect. We must then act with purposeful intent to move the relationship forward. As I mentioned this is messy work. It can seem overwhelming and even a bit over-burdening to consider the importance that you have in so many lives, and yet, if you are an educator, as many of my readers are, you simply hold one of the most important roles there could ever be, that is to connect with your students to support their positive development and foster the development of their latent resiliency.
Connect with students via communication. Connect by finding out their interests. Connect with them by listening, understanding them, hearing about their families, learning what makes them tick, grasping that as individuals they each have unique ideas, feelings, perceptions of the world, goals, and difficulties that they have overcome, are enduring, or have yet to face. Connect with your students by showing them the stepping stones across the garden, the safe spots to cross the river, and by teaching them and preparing them for the next adversity that may come their way. These moments are essential to positive growth and development and each of these moments cannot be under-valued in crafting each positive relationship.
Yes, it is true, each of us is moving so fast, at seemingly lightning speed, from one activity to the next, from one situation to the next, from one text to another, through social networking sites, back through our tweets, and we often forget, that the most important people that we have ignored during our days, truly need us the most.
So, what to do? Well, stop, reflect, consider those around you, and realize that as people, the strongest of us has more than likely suffered significant losses, struggles, overcome severe trauma, and have developed a tremendous wealth of resources that we can share with others. Each of us to some degree can make a positive impact if we choose to do so. Each of us can add to the collective betterment of our world if we choose to do so. Each of us has the ability to connect with those in our world to make a positive difference. Will we? I hope so, because I believe that each person is the most important person in the world. How about you?
Robert A. Martinez, Ed. D.
#Resiliency, #Transformational-Resiliency, #Education,
@ResiliencyGuy @DrRobM_FSUSD
Recipes For Resilience 